Spirit

Improve Your Year by Picking a Word

intsta abound-2.png

I am starting the New Year late. It is the first week I have started to feel like myself again after the holidays. Every year I have been very precise about planning out my goals for the new year. However, after deep reflection of my life over the last six weeks I have decided to change some things. I went through this last year and saw everything I had not gotten done for the year and with deep sadness, I was at a loss of how to proceed. 

I put so much pressure on myself to accomplish great things that when I end the year no seemingly closer to my goal, I wanted to hide. 

I picked myself up I decided that instead of doing all of these crazy goals for this year that I would just do two. Writing has really been a focus of mine for the last six months. I have been moving back into this passion after years of trying to resist it. 

My two goals are to 

1. Finish the novel I have been working on 

2. Send out some other work for publishing. 

I am excited to just try to do these two things for a busy year I have ahead. 

I have also chosen a word to help me keep focused this year. I did this last year as well to keep me going through a very tough year. It took me a while to think about what this word would be. I took quizzes online and listened to podcasts trying to figure what my word should be. Last year it had come so naturally to me, but this year it was a battle to come across the right one. 

This year it is abound. 

Now you might be thinking why not flourish, and I am right there with you, but for me this year it is abound. I was reading a book by Max Lucado Unshakeable Hope. There is was a the end of the book, “He wants us to abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13) 

It jumped off the page at me abound. I had been struggling so much this year with hope. I hope that I would get to keep my home, that I would be able to care for my daughter, that I would find someone special for me, and that I would amount to anything as a writer. I had been so beaten down especially in the family losses over the last couple of months I didn’t even know how to stand up anymore to have faith in this moment of my world crashing in. 

Most would put it off as me worrying too much and that I needed to have faith.

 Let go, Let God. 

Someone is coming. 

God will never leave you homeless. 

These were all phrases coming from the right hearts, but it didn’t give me any comfort at night when I was already to the point I had lost my hope. When too many bad things where sturring up so much pain in my life.

Let me tell you something, for me, I could not have faith until I had some hope. I can even think of when I first came to be a Christian it was because I finally started to have confidence that God really did love me for me before I believed wholeheartedly in Him. I spent the better part of last week filling myself up with God’s hope for my life and what difference it has made for me on the inside. 

I have decided to make this word abound or my overflow focus on God. Last year it was about getting through the year and this year I want to be basking in the presence of God. 

The top three reasons I chose to do a word again this year.

1. Helps me have focus not just on steps to make a goal but a feeling I want for the year.

2. They are more fun to me than a goal because I can play around with the definitions. 

3. It is easy to pair it with a quote or scripture for the year. 

I found out too when it is the background of my phone or cover on social media I see it more often, and it helps me keep my focus. 

Is picking a word for your year what you should do?  

I will leave it up to you. 

Is it too late to choose a word?

Never but just so you know sometimes the word chooses you.

Walking Through the Valleys

I walked down by the creek across the bed of rocks in the valley down the hill an away from our house. The bed rocks have been pushed into a pile below in this ditch right next to the water. It was beautiful down there peaceful and a nice place to get away when you want to hear the waters moving.

The day I walked down there the water was lower, and it seemed to be getting lower every year. The dry air of suffocating in the 100-degree heat. I want to go play in the water a lot as a child like most children do. I kept walking with eyes on the rocks before me to keep watch for things that slither.  Snakes common in the area. Before I knew it a giant black snake slithered out of the grass in the field and was in my path on the rocks. 

I stopped frozen in fear, in a time before cell phones, and no one within shouting distance. Two more steps and I would have been stepping on it. The snake stopped looked at me and hissed I started to lunge toward me. I thought for sure I was done for and it would bite me, but I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. To my surprise, the snake continued on into the creek and started to swim in the direction I was head as well. I quickly turned and ran as hard as I could back to the road crying and shaking.

Fear had stopped me in a critical moment in my life while I stood in a valley. I was running in the opposite direction that I wanted to go because of fear.

I wonder how many times God has been with me in those moments when I ran out of fear in the opposite directions of the path He was leading me down. The truth was God was always there and still is. In that valley much like the rest of my life, I felt like I was alone. There was no bombing presence of God in my area at all, and everything was silent. In the valley, I was looking down at my circumstances instead of up to my Jesus. 

It was easy for me to get discouraged in the valleys of my life when God was not in my life.  Yes, I have had more the one, and I think we continue to have those moments no matter what the circumstances are in our lives. Perhaps a valley moment starts with a death, divorce, or destruction. It could even start with just a series of ordinary life events that seems to not be going right.

This last month was a valley moment for me many times. I had the goal of writing my novel and so many things started happening. I had headaches, rashes, nightmares, and I fell multiple times doing ordinary things. I lost members of my family. I was taken through a week of everyday things gone wrong. I did not despair, but I was still down.

How would I handle this valley? 

Would it better than before? 

Would I get mad and yell? 

Would I be quiet and cry? 

Would I turn to my Father in heaven? 

Walking Thorugh the Valley-2.png

I am sad to say I did get mad and yell sometimes. I was crying a lot too, but I also turned to my Father in the middle of my messy valley moment. It was easier to turn to God this time than the last time this happened to me. I am getting stronger in my faith and focus on Jesus. I kept praying even though each day did not seem to reach better results. I kept praying and pushing into God’s promises for me. I had to keep walking in my valley until I reached a new level of surrender to God. 

In the valley, there is still joy, peace, and forgiveness. A valley is a place to find God and to seek His face. It reminds me there is so much more work to be done in me. 

Keep walking through your valley.


~Esme

Being Head Chef of Your Life

Being Head Chef of Your Life.png

I have never been the best cook but I have also never tried to be either. In this age of streaming, almost any type of cooking show is out there that you could ever want and I love to watch them. It has been great to watch different chefs do their best to please the judges who are often chefs themselves. Within a few episodes, I think I would have whatever the recipe was down and seen their mistakes there was no way it I would make the same mistakes as someone else. I could win that show without a problem...  queue laughter from anyone who has eaten my food.... silence because no one has.

When I think about cooking, I think about my mother and my family. She used to say “There are too many cooks in the kitchen.”  She would run me out as a child mostly because I was afraid the boiling water and splattering grease. Through this process, however, I never understood how the food was made. I knew where it came from because living on a farm you garden and we ate a bull we raised every now and then. Her point was there were too many leaders and not enough followers. 

I have found this situation often manifest in my walk with Jesus. There seems to be a multitude of leaders in the world and when it comes to what we think is best for our own lives.  I wanted to be the in charge of my life after leaving my parents farm. I think I knew what was best for my family and I. My money was my own to spend any way I chose. I could live my life the way I wanted. I could read, eat, drink, and watch whatever I wanted or if I was with a friend they had some influence on me. 

I can now picture Jesus standing there waiting patiently for me to be done walking away from Him. He was in a chair by this time because it has been years since I let Him have a say in my life. He never took His eyes off me just waiting for me to give up my head chef status in my life. I would fall on face over and over I was so stubborn. It took a lot of self-inflicted pain and discouragement for me to decide that maybe I did not know what I was doing. He could tell I was getting tired so He began to tug at my spirit and heart to let Him in.

 I did finally let Him into my heart, and it was the most awesomesauce day ever! I was finally okay with a follower of Jesus because there is so much more I got out of life by being a follower. I wasn't about the things I gave up but about everything I got to gain by being in God's presence. He has feed me with His goodness daily.

In my journey of being a follower of the head chef Jesus, I have chosen to do a lot of things I am not used to. I run everything in life by Him first. I listen a lot more than I ever did before to someone else. I look to see what His reply is when I ask Him a question about my life. I read His Word and seek His knowledge about how He would handle situations in my life. I do all of this because I love Him and I asked Him to be the head chef of my life, Lord of my life. 

I could have asked Him to just be my savior from hell which is fantastic, but I wanted more. I wanted my life to manifest a real change of direction. I want to be a new creation in Him and renew my mind daily with His Words. I wanted to start my eternity of worship right now.

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.Luke 9_23.png

There is a difference from just wanting the get out of hell free card and wanting to be His disciple. I will not say it is always easy to say no to the latest movie that everyone else is going to because you know it will hurt your spirit. It is not always easy to fast for some answers or breakthroughs for situations. It takes discipline to pray and read His word when you don’t feel like it. It is not always easy to put down social media and push into His presence. It is all a choice I make, and it is not requirements of God to live on this earth. We have the free will to do what we like and to live as we want to. I have already lived my life how I wanted, and it did not turn out to be good for me. I want to flourish with Him now. I do not do these things because I have to but because I love Him, He has blessed my life so much, and I am so grateful I want to do the things that please Him.

He stands there day after day watching you, waiting for you to say you have had enough. He longs to be near and beside you all the days of your life on earth and for eternity after that. He loves us so much even when we have made our lives the worst mess we could ever imagine and more. There is only one in eternity, and it is the head chef Jesus.

~ Emse

The Prayers of Children

The Prayers of Children.png

As I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep,

If I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord, my soul, to take. 

Amen

This was the bedtime prayer I was taught as a child. It is lovely prayer and helped me understand I would want to be with the Lord at when I died. Heaven was a place talked about often especially when someone died I realized it was the end. As a child, however, I really had no idea what heaven was about and why this prayer would be necessary. 

Over time I had stopped praying all together except when the family went to church because it was part of being in church or when my animals were sick. I often prayed for the healing of the animals on the farm because I hated seeing them in pain. Though I never saw an animal healed, I still begged and pleaded with God to do something. At times I even prayed they would just die quickly, so they didn’t have to suffer anymore. (There was not an abundance of dying animals nor were any animals sick or hurt on purpose.)

Death was common in my life as a child, but I still didn’t understand what being in heaven really meant other than they were no longer here. When I needed help, I prayed, but even then I did not pray that often. I did not understand what prayer was for.

It wasn’t until after the birth of my child that my life drastically changed and I began to understand what prayer was for. Even while I still walked in the darkness, I knew I wanted my child to have the strong faith I had seen in my classmates at a young age. 

I saw them strong, and they endured many things but never lost their hope. I wanted my baby to go to church and have the faith I did not have growing up. The problem was I thought the answer was a church. The truth was the answer was Jesus for both of us. I needed Him just as much as she did and more if I was going to teach her anything about God. What I found out over and over was God was using my child to teach me about Him.

0001-689450847.png

It was not until I was an adult that I found out prayer was really talking to God. I thanked Him for all the things my life, asked for protection when I needed it, just spoke to Him about what was happening in my world. I told Him stuff I worried about, things I loved, and things in my life I saw no purpose for. I started to have a relationship with Jesus. Prayer = Relationship with God. Then I found out further down the line that pray = mountains moved. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Mark 11:23 (ESV)

I started to teach my child about prayer when I understood it to better depths myself. When she would hurt herself, I would pray for the pain to leave her. When I was sick, she prayed for me. I came home from work one day, and she told me she prayed for the cat who had a scratch on her and it went away. I have been amazed by her prayers, at her relying on God before anything else in her life. We pray every morning before school and every night before she sleeps. We do not pray a formal prayer but one of conversation with God often. 

There was a small prayer she knew that I had taught her. Not because I wanted a formal prayer but these were issues we were having and living out. We were freezing, not feeling safe, we had bad days, and nightmares. It was important to thank God for everything we had even if it was little. I thought it was important to tell Jesus we loved him and really mean it every day. There are so many times we forget to mention to each other how much we love them. This prayer as altered some as she has gotten older and when we get to the thanking part she thanks God for her toys, every person in her family is named, all the children, the babies, and the world. There have been nights when she wants me to pray instead, and I have out loud. She hears me pray about many different things when I pray for us because I am already talking to Jesus, so I pray for others too.

It is vital for our children to see us pray, and read the bible. It is essential for them to see our faith in our words, actions, and beliefs. It builds our children up, and it will build us up. I ask you to pray with your children in a meaningful way whatever way that is. It will equip them as an adult to live a life with God as opposed to without Him. Start when they are young and speak life into them. Pray the promises of God over them as infants or at any age. For those of you with grown children who may not be walking with God don’t you dare give up on them, you keep praying them through.

~Esme

A Word to Describe Me

A Word to Describe Me.png

If I was turning my life into a word what would it be…Love? Family? God? Self? 

Can life be described in just one word? 

We are gifted in the English language to have so many words to identify ourselves with, and yet these words also are not full enough to say who we really are. I find when you ask someone who they are they usually describe themselves by whatever they do in life. I think for many years it was what I felt gave me purpose. 

My favorite word is a worshiper of the Lord Almighty.

I often find I describe myself as a Christian, single mother, daughter, sister, friend, writer, a runner, a working mom, tired, hungry, happy, sad, or a person who does know what is going on. I think I am missing the point because any of this words of the world have their own meaning to each individual. Even though I have tried hard to put myself and my world inside a box of words, there are always more to be added. There is not one word so descriptive no other word will do.

I have so many words to string together could one word really satisfy me? I would say in many ways it could not, but I also think many times we use just one word to describe the world around us. Beautiful, ugly, rich, weak, crazy, fat, and thin these words seem to be the ones I hear out of the mouths of people often. 

Are these words exact about what they are describing? 

Many years ago I wrote so I would not cry and be sad. It is not how I started my writing, but it is what it turned into for a while. The emotions I felt were so real and intense I did not know what was going on. Then I strung words together only to find I was not just sad and crying for no reason, but I was heartbroken. I had lost the one man I loved dearly. 

For people to describe me as sad was an understatement and for others to say I was uncaring was hurtful. However, the blank pages did not judge me like we often judge each other. The pages let me pour out my grief in a way I could not with another person.

Maybe where there is now beauty in someone’s life where there was pain and suffering. I have come across things that seem ugly now, but was so beautiful and still is if you would just look a few steps closer. It is a matter of what we are willing to see in someone or something. 

I love words and the process of what happens when you put them together to create people, moods, and settings. I try to stay true to the words I use to describe someone, but sometimes even I am fooled by my perceptions. I usually try to keep quiet, I would never want to hurt anyone with an incorrect word even if they were not around to hear it.

Please be patient with people in this world. It may be easier to yell and be unkind, but it is not helpful to anyone. I love what joy words can bring. When we use these words in positive ways, we get a father proud of his children or loving his wife. A mother so strong she will not let her child see her cry when they lose their home. A child full of hope everything is going to be alright against all the odds. A friend who makes her best friend laugh when they feel the world is falling down. A teacher who encourages her shy student to keep pursuing his dreams. 

My point? One word is not a good judge of who a person is really. You start to fixate on that one-word description and then some words that might follow. There is so much more in a person than what we are seeing.  

My second point is to use creativity whether it be writing, painting, drawing, sowing, or the other 500 things I have not written to figure out who you are, and what is going on in that head of yours. Paint your fears, draw your dream, and write your future.

What word describes you?

Don't Forget Your Armor

Don't Forget Your Armor.png

It all started on a hot Thursday morning in the life of a somewhat normal woman. She woke up with a hundred things to do that morning just like every other day. Today, however, she had taken the day off from work and was excited about walking around the mall alone, going to have lunch alone, and find a quiet corner of a coffee shop to read. It had been so long since she had time to herself. She usually spent every day off she had at home cleaning and doing laundry. She was so incredibly excited! She got her child ready for school and was getting ready to drop her off. 

As she was heading out the door, her mother appeared and wanted to take boxes to storage. This was, of course, fine because it had been put off often and really needed to be done. She would be a little later getting started, but it would be okay because things needed to be done. She moved all the boxes and then dropped off her child. She decided to come back home and get ready so she could be on her way. She was hungry, and something was unsettled in her spirit. The feeling like she knew there was something terrible was going to happen but couldn’t figure what or why she really had this feeling. The woman ate breakfast talked with her mom about her plans. Her mom was going wait on a plumber and was debating mowing the yard. The woman got up changed out some laundry and started washing dishes. Busy work again, she thought, but it has to be done, so I will do some. She started to cry and wondered Why am I doing this again? This will be the last day I have for months, and I should do what I want to do! Her tears came down harder. I am so angry I wanted to leave for the day and do fun things again. Her mother noticed her tears, “What is wrong?” she asked her daughter. She could no longer contain her emotions and disappointment any longer and started to scream, “Why does it matter? Does it matter that I wanted to spend a day alone? Maybe get my hair done the way I had been talking about for months? Nothing matters anymore!” she shouted at her mom. 

In truth, it was not her mother's fault at all. She felt worthless and like no one cared at all for her and what she wanted in life. Her world came crashing down within 20 minutes because she lost her identity. She screamed out in pain and frustration how could this be happening again. 

I am fine everything was fine.

I find when everything in my life seems fine it usually means something in my life is about to go terribly wrong.  Questions are swirling around in my head I am not addressing. There are situations I have let sit on the back burner of my mind until they are boiling. This is kind of what my life was like a few months ago. Within a few hours of things not going right, my life started to spin around my selfishness instead of my God. 

Ephesians 6_12 esv-2.png

I had turned over my child of God badge and just stood there letting the turmoil consume me. I was falling deeper into this hole of self-doubt. I know it was not right for me to let it get that far. It was not until I started to ask for prayer that things would begin to change. Remember who your enemy is… it is not you but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12 NKJV). I had left part of my armor of God at my bedside. I surely won’t need it today since I am getting to do what I want. How foolish I was to try to get through a day without all of my armor.

In the bible it says, 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints (Ephesians 6:13-19 NKJV). There are many times when I have thought maybe my ways are better than Gods way. And it never fails to see Him helping me pick up my messes when I have been too stubborn to listen to Him.

How did the day end? Better after I was reminded in my chaos to pray the Word of God over me. My focus came back to Jesus and every single beautiful thing He has done for me. For Him to die for me was true enough, but the Father continues to bless me daily. The Holy Spirit is still within me, even on the days I mess up. Also on the days, I have a meltdown. My advice is don’t leave your bed without your armor, in fact, don’t sleep without it.

~Esme







The Outline

The outline.png

For September, I had pretty much taken a break from my book. I had decided to do Story A Day again, and in doing so, I found an awesome writing community. I have missed them so much already this week. I had been experimenting with parts of my novel such as dialogue and trying to think of scenes differently. So while I was on my mini-break also because my character had ended up in places, I was not sure they should be. I am thinking of starting the whole book over.  

The story is not leading down the path I want it to anymore. One minute we are all good things were sunshine and roses, then people are hunting each other down and characters I did not plan on are showing up out of the woodwork literally! There is an explanation and an answer, I had no plan or guidance to get me to the right place. I am good at talking circles and going on adventures when I write things, but when I speak, I am generally linear. Well, some of you may disagree. Lol. I decided to pants my book, which means I fly by the seat of my pants, and it just goes whatever way the wind blows. If I had done outlining then I would probably be closer to my final destination instead of standing still at the moment. Yes, in this case, I should have listened to my mother. It is okay though because it is a process and one that I love!

This October I decided to follow through with an outlining guide because I want to finish the first draft of my book. I have been researching, and since I have found not having an outline got me in a mess, I will be attempting to plan this year. I found an author by the name of Kristen Martin through one of my you-tubing adventures and decided to use her course to outline my book. She is someone fun to watch on youtube and is a self-published author getting it done. The course has not been overly complicated as it is a self-study and it has links to the various videos. It did make me really think about what I was trying to say with my book and has been giving me a more precise outline of where to go. It lasts for the four weeks of October and then I will start Nanowrimo on November first starting my novel over again is the thought at this point. 

I do enjoy this planning part a lot and hope I will enjoy the rewrite just as much giving my characters a do-over in actions and names. It is strange to me still how things can happen in a book you didn’t expect. I just hope one day by readers will find it just as exciting. 

I encourage you to write the books and do the creative things you never thought you were good at. You will mess up and fail as I have done. However, it is so freeing to do something I love and to enjoy it. I wish this passion had been as active in my early years, but the outline for my life was not as defined as I thought it would be then. 

I think it is why we should have an outline for life or goals. I have always had a few goals floating around in my head. It took me a long way to get where I am.  However, I had always found myself more satisfied when I had a plan for my life even if it changes. At times we all need guidance from God the ultimate plan maker for our lives! So get some paper or an app and start making plans to be creative in your life. Let the artsy person out!

~Esme

Faith in the Middle of Fear

Faith in the Middle of Fear.png

Faith and fear are two opposing forces that were not meant to go together like bread and butter. However, they can have the effect of forcing the other one out. When there is so much fear in your life, you are always waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I see people walking in fear a lot lately. People are walking in fear of financial situations, divorce, death, presidential candidates, or the terrorists’ attacks plaguing our world. Perhaps every one of those has touched your life profoundly. 

Fear is defined as the following according to Merriam-Webster:

    an unpleasant emotion caused by being aware of danger: a feeling of being afraid

    a feeling of respect and wonder for something very powerful

In case you were wondering we are not focusing on the second definition. To have fear for God in this way of wonder is excellent, but too often no one gets past the first definition. I wonder though how you get to the second part of the description when you in awe and wonder of God instead of stuck in the first part. I will tell you! Faith. When you put faith in the middle of fear you get to the point of respect of the Father. Respecting God might seem simple, but it does take work on our part.

When our fears about our life become more significant than our faith, we fall into trouble. So, as most of you know, I am a single parent, and everywhere there are couples. Sometimes the fear of being alone for the rest of my life scares the blue blazes out of me. Really it does. When I let my fear speak it says will I ever find someone? Then it will start to carve into me deeper with thoughts of I am good enough and will anyone ever love me? Until I am finally in the, no one will ever love me, and I will be this way for the rest of my life. I am fat, my life sucks, and even the silly little things in my life feel like this huge problems. For me, fear moves into frustration about my current situation, which then leads to anger about anything out of place or not going the way I want it. Now, these types of fear thoughts are annoying in my head, self-centered, and mostly ridiculous because I now have faith in Jesus.


Faith comes into my situation now and says SHUT UP FEAR! I am not listening to those voices anymore. 


My faith brings out my patience for the plans God has for my life, and the love I have for everything in my life.  Faith becomes my hope in crazy situations and problems in life. Do I get asked often how do you do it? The simple answer is my faith in Jesus. Jesus is so real to me, so tangible, and His presence is with me all the time. Especially on those days when the world starts to crash on me Jesus is there. In those times when I mess it all up and when those whispers of fear start knocking on the door of my mind. What I love now is I have a choice before I open the door to my fear and you do too. Right before I open the door my hand is on doorknob I ask Jesus to come into my situation. I can take my hand off the knob and walk away from my fears. I have decided my God is bigger than those fears, and you must know I didn’t get it right the first time. When I was messing things up not getting it right, I was willing to take the chance for God’s purpose in my life. I stepped out into what He had for me even if it was just Him and I forever. What a forever and happily ever after!


When I transform fear by putting faith in the middle of my fears, look below what can happen.

fear

: an unpleasant emotion caused by being aware of danger: a feeling of being afraid

 

faith

    :allegiance to duty or a person

   : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2): complete trust

    :something that is believed especially with strong conviction

fear:

:a feeling of respect and wonder for something very powerful

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.”— William Allen White.png

Faith in the middle of our fears changes lives. Walk with hope at your core with your eyes on Jesus throughout the day because when your terror comes knocking you know, you don’t have to open the door anymore.

~Esme

Learning to Pray

When I in my early twenties I had my first experience with God. It was truly amazing to be introduced to God and begin to understand who God was, but within a couple years most of my fire had been put out by the world again. I have gone through stages in my life when I have learned more about God and His overall being. The first was my introduction to Him, my second time was focused on reading His love letter (The Bible), and the most recent time I decided to give it my all. 

Learning Prayer.png

I was no longer unsure of His devotion or love to me.  Finally, I knew I didn’t want to continue my life without Him. His words were, and they changed me. I felt safe with Him by my side every day which led to a lot of conversations. Even though I didn’t understand prayer completely, I talked to God. He was always nice and listened. Sometimes He spoke back. There were days He was silent.

In our relationship there have been ups and downs because of the world I live in. However, not once has He ever rejected me. He has never turned away. Even when I have been impossible and shouting at Him, He stays. He holds me and loves me regardless. How in love with Him I have become. It is a sweetness to my spirit and life.  But still, I had not really learned how to pray.

It wasn’t until I came across a couple who showed me what worship really was that I was then introduced to another couple to show me what prayer was. To see a true worshiper of the almighty God is lovely. They hold nothing back immediately you can see it is all Gods everything in those moments are devoted to Him. I get chills just thinking about it. It was no mistake I met these people, and God was sure I got the message. He crossed our paths more than once until we got the point. 


They showed me how to worship with everything and that I could begin to share things in my life. Important God moments. This couple displayed the love of God in what they did.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5_16-18.png

Then I met the couple who would teach me about prayer. These two people were not at all what I expect nor was I to them I assume. I was a broken woman, full of tears, and scared to open up about something. I had been deeply hurt by religious people over the years. However, the following months they befriended me and kept inviting me to their home for prayer. They reminded me of my Jesus that I had been spending so much time with. They too showed me His love and freedom there was in knowing I was indeed a child of God. 

The first time I heard the woman pray I opened my eyes, and I looked at her like a strange being I had never seen before. I stood there in the circle holding hands with strangers shocked at how powerful she sounded and her husband followed in suit. I wanted to pray as they did. Things happened when they prayed mountains moved.

The more time I spent there, it was not so much about the how they prayed but that they did. Prayer was practiced like driving a car or riding a bike. It was not recited. Prayers were always from the heart and how the spirit led. It is true you become like the people you hang around because before I knew it, I was praying like them. Things began to change in my life and the people around me.  Praying the promises of God over your life is one of the most useful things to do. God’s word is so powerful when it is buried in my heart. Now I have a base for prayer God has helped guide in it. Don’t give up on prayer it does change things really it changes everything.

I love this one.

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV)

~Esme

He Said Fear Not

Fear Not.png

I have dealt with a lot of fears in my life. I was terrified of flying before I did it, and swimming until I learned how to do it. I didn’t know how to do any type of public speaking until I was talking in front of the whole high school. In fact writing, this blog has been a fear of mine too. 

This blog has been a fear because I have not made it a habit of letting anyone inside my head. My thoughts have been my own for years and rarely shared. I had always liked to hear about other people more because it would give me a more authentic understanding of who they are. 

The only time I ever shared my writings were in classrooms in college. I was never praised for my ideas or my work. There was usually something utterly wrong about the whole story or poem. I only really had one supporter throughout my college career. I am not sure I even really knew what writing was then. 

When I came back to God just a few years ago, I felt Him calling me to write a blog. I had been moved to write again since I had moved, but I seemed paralyzed once again by fear. I was just writing for myself, but I still couldn’t find the courage to finish anything. It has taken me so long to build my faith to trust and believe in Him even though I don’t see the results of what He is doing right now. 

I have let fear control me and push me into directions of my life I should not have gone. There were so many long and dark roads I was led down by fear, and it gave me memories I would rather forget. Fears of disappointing those I love, fear of failure, and fear of just general things in life.

I had a weekend away, at a conference and the women did not speak about fear, but it came up over and over. Doubt we wouldn’t have a room to sleep in, fear of getting robbed, fear of bugs, fear of driving cars over large bodies of water, fear of getting shot, fear the passion for things wouldn’t come back and fear that would miss what God was saying to us. I wanted to cry at the gripping fear had. 

I can say fear is NOT of God. 

Did you hear that? 

Fear IS NOT OF GOD.

So, please stop being afraid about who may find out about your past and stop being scared how you are going to make it in the future.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1_7 (NKJV).png

I was happy to find there were so many references about fear in Bible stating do not fear, fear not, and do not be afraid. You would think we would pick up on this not being fearful thing, but there is day after day in our face. 

I have found though that living and learning are very different things.  I can learn about something in such great depth it can be like I have lived it. When I am working on a character in my books I have to know the ends and outs of who they are in order to make them real to my readers. I look at lessons in life in much that same way. 

I have been overcoming fear on many different levels in the last month. I have found listening to worship music had helped. I discovered I need to questions the fears when they come up because many times they are not logical. When my world seems to be crashing down the only way I have found to walk through my fear is the Word of God being prayed by me over me. I usually just speak out the scripture myself in my prayer times through out the day. I build my faith on these words and believe Him because His Word is true. As you walk throughout your life and you start to feel fear on its way pray a couple of my favorite verses.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

(God speaking) ‘According to the word that I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt, so My Spirit remains among you; do not fear!’  Haggai 2:5 (NKJV)

And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”  Deuteronomy 31:8 (NKJV)

~Esme